Category Archives: Confidence

“I’mperfect”

04 Monday May 2015

Posted by in Acceptance, Confidence, Jesus Christ, Uncategorized

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Recently IMG_4067a girlfriend made an off the cuff statement that just won’t leave my mind. We were talking about our husbands and she said that her husband had hugged her that morning and said, “I just love you so much.” She replied, “there is no way you can love someone this fat.” We all giggled and nodded our understanding. But quite honestly, I felt a pain rush through me unlike anything I have felt in a long while.

I stewed on it for a while. What was it about that statement that was making me uncomfortable. I could completely relate to her statement because I’ve said the very same thing to my husband. And honestly believed it.

The past couple of nights I’ve actually had tossed and turned a bit because I kept thinking about it. I mean, it’s not like many of us don’t think it. Wait. That’s it. We think it but don’t usually say it. We equate our physical appearance – our IMperfections with the worthiness of love.

There is not a single day that I go through where I am not constantly reminded that thinner is better. Or that more youthful skin is the key to happiness. Facebook is over run with weight loss programs, younger skin treatments, before and after pictures and “thinspiration.” Television ads for national weight loss programs are on at least once an hour, if not more. Magazines show airbrushed pictures, the newest night creams, and the latest weight loss fad. And none of those things even begin to touch the intimate conversations between friends about our consistent weight struggles or fears of growing older. Now before folks get upset with me, let me clarify right now that I am not against healthy living. I do believe 1 Corinthians 6:19 – it states that the body is a temple in which the Holy Spirit dwells. Verse 20 goes on to say, “For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body.” For that reason, I believe it is our obligation to take care of the body which we have been given by God. So for anyone reading this who is currently living a healthy lifestyle, I applaud you for the hard work as long as that work is not because of self-loathing and a desire to be loved.

My point is that we have allowed ourselves to measure our worth on the number of the scale reading. That’s what hurts me. I am so ashamed that I have said to my husband that he can’t possibly love me because of my outward appearance. The truth is, I don’t fully love me because of my outward appearance so I place that “truth” on him and…ultimately, on my heavenly Father.

As a minister, I preach on God’s love every week in one form or another. I encourage others to look beyond themselves and their brokenness in order to see a perfect love that has been offered to them through Jesus Christ. I speak on redemption and grace. I offer scripture after scripture proving the love that is so abundantly available to them. And yet, I carry this dark secret that says none of that applies to me.

Yesterday, a precious young girl gave our scripture reading. She is beautiful in every way. I thought of Psalm 139:14 “I praise you, for a I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” And when I looked I her, I just wanted to protect her from all the junk of society. I want her to always feel free and beautiful, not because of a societal definition but because she is made in His image!

A couple of years ago I read a book called God Loves Ugly. It’s a powerful book by Christa Black. She writes about her struggles with physical acceptance and how it overshadowed any possibility of spiritual acceptance. We are just so tied to this idea of physical appearance equates to lovability. But not God. 1 Samuel 16:7b “God doesn’t look at things like humans do. Humans see only what is visible to the eyes, but the Lord sees into the heart.”

You see the depths of my heart and love me anyway.

We work so hard with loving others through kindness, support, grace, forgiveness. But we work equally as hard at not loving ourselves. We chastise our friends when they put themselves down but we put on a badge of honor at disrespecting ourselves. What we are actually doing is telling God, “you must have gotten it all wrong when you created me.” In no scenario is that true and yet we accept that “truth” every single day.

I often think about how God sees me. Obviously, according to 1 Samuel, He does not see me in the way I see me. How much does it hurt Him when I say things that are hurtful about me? Or when you say things that are hurtful about you? He focuses on my heart not on my hair style or my waist circumference. While we can pick out the things about us that we are not – “I’m not thin enough. I’m not tall enough. I’m not petite enough. I’m not cute enough. I’m not __________ enough. I’m not perfect.” God sees what I am – “I am a child of God. I am made in His image. I am loved so much that He gave His only son for me. I’m perfect.”

I have dedicated my life to serving God through serving others. He has called me to speak His truth to make disciples of Jesus Christ for the transformation of the world. Mark 12:29-31 says it like this: Jesus answered, “The most important is, ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”

Love your neighbor as yourself. Ouch.

I cannot possibly fulfill my calling to love others if I do not love myself. Just realizing the full impact of my failure takes my very breath away. Forgive me, O Lord, for not seeing your image rather than my own. Forgive me for seeing myself as imperfect rather than saying I’m perfect.

My new truth comes from the International Children’s Bible version of Psalm 139:14 – “I praise you because you made me in an amazing and wonderful way. What you have done is wonderful. I know this very well.”

I Am Willing.

24 Wednesday Jul 2013

Posted by in Confidence, faith, Jesus Christ, Pain

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And a leper came to Jesus, beseeching Him and falling on his knees before Him, and saying, “If You are willing, You can make me clean.” Moved with compassion, Jesus stretched out His hand and touched him, and said to him, “I am willing; be cleansed.” Mark 1:40-41 (NASB)

It was the third day of a week-long conference and I was, once again, sitting alone for lunch. Everywhere I looked, I saw smiling faces and warm embraces greeting friends. I heard laughter of folks swapping stories of the mornings happenings. And while I was in a room of 300 people, I felt utterly alone. It occurred to me that I needed human contact. Real contact.

It sounded pitiful and needy in my head to admit that. I mean, I had met some folks and they were very nice but they were not fulfilling the role that I desperately needed. It got me thinking…. is there something about this human touch thing in the Bible? Um…yes!

In the New American Standard Bible, the word “touch” appears 132 times. “Forgiveness” only appears 20 times. And yet, we emphasize the need for forgiveness all of the time. Why don’t we ever emphasize the need for touch? The need for human contact in a loving and Christ-like way is talked about in some of Jesus’ most compassionate moments. In Mark 1:40-41, Jesus encounters a leper. Lepers were truly the outcasts of the day. People knew that you simply did not touch them or you would become “unclean” yourself. But when asked by the leper to heal him, Jesus said, “I am willing.” He could have easily healed this man without touching him. But the human touch was just as important in his healing as the grace of God. Jesus was filled with compassion and touched him. This type of simple gesture is repeated in Jesus’ ministry over and over again. Jesus was not afraid to touch.

So why are we?

In today’s technology-savvy world, more and more “relationships” are built around an electronic screen of some sort, whether a smart phone, tablet or computer. I am just as guilty as the next person of allowing a phone call go to voicemail and then texting later to respond. Why? Are we so afraid of physical touch or human contact? Are we really that busy or is it that we have built walls around our hearts and fear letting anyone get close enough to tear it down? What are we so afraid of letting another human see? God designed us to need touch. In fact, it is critical to our health-both emotional and physical. Babies need touch for their brains to develop and children need touch for their emotions to develop. Experts say appropriate touch has a profound effect on the brain’s programming and re-programming. But we are programming ourselves to deny ourselves this basic need, thus teaching our children the same things. Instead of board games, they play video games. Instead of letters, we write emails. The touch is disappearing.

Perhaps it’s time to become more intentional about making human contact to others. I know that I need it and I would be willing to bet that many of you do, too. Jesus knew the importance of it. It’s time we take our cues from Him and apply His ways to our ways. As I have studied the New Testament in seminary, I have picked up on things that I have missed or overlooked for years. This includes the human touch that they engaged in with each other. They hugged and kissed each other often; a tradition that is continued in many cultures today.

Getting back to my aloneness at the conference, I realize now that it has been by my choice to be alone there. I could have easily joined in any number of groups but it chose not to. Instead, I buried my head in my Kindle. I would rather be wrapped in my false security then step out in uncharted territory. Sad, isn’t it? I would go out on a ledge and say that I’m not the only one. So now my heart has been convicted to be more intentional. Whether it’s a hug, touch on the arm, pat on the back, touch is desperately needed. Jesus knew it. And we know it too.

As I challenge myself, I issue a challenge to you, too. The next time you are with friends, family or colleagues, be intentional in your human contact. Become the person who offers a hug, rather than waiting for one.

Heavenly Father, I need human touch just as I need your touch. Please help me to step out of my shell and offer the touch we all so desperately need. Amen.

In Flesh We Trust?

23 Tuesday Jul 2013

Posted by in 2 Chronicles, Confidence, faith, Pain, prayer

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“‘Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or discouraged because of the king of Assyria and the vast army with him, for there is a greater power with us than with him. With him is only the arm of flesh, but with us is the LORD our God to help us and to fight our battles.’ And the people gained confidence from what Hezekiah the king of Judah said.” 2 Chronicles 32:7-8 (NIV)

Gosh, I wish I were strong. I have often thought what it would be like to be strong, both physically and emotionally. I wouldn’t have to ask people for help all of the time. I see other women who are physically fit and I get a bit down. I listen to women with stories of courage and survival and I think I would have folded in such a situation. I know we are not supposed to compare ourselves to others but it is so easy to do that. It’s easy to just allow that little voice in the back of my mind to speak words of discouragement. Why is that? Why are those voices always so much clearer and impactful then positive words? Why do we allow ourselves to be chained to such negativity when we are made in the image of such a glorious God?

But these thoughts are true for my life – and probably for many of you, too. It is so much easier to focus on my weaknesses and inconsistencies then the positives. For most of my life, I’ve battled this. From the time I was a little girl I have felt just a bit inadequate. Just a bit on the outside looking in. These feelings frustrate me. I wear a mask of securities and find myself shrinking on the inside. I can lead someone to Christ for their healing but not depend on him for my own weaknesses in areas like over-eating or depression. Frustrating, isn’t it? Can you relate?

The other day I read 2 Chronicles 32: 7-8. It made me stop. How had I missed this story? It was like I was reading it for the first time. “Be strong and courageous.” I have heard that part of the verse many many times. But it is the rest of it that caused my heart to jump. “…there is a greater power with us than with him. With him is only the arm of flesh, but with us is The Lord our God to help us and to fight our battles.” Oh my goodness!! “A greater power with us..!!” Do you realize what this is saying? I don’t have to focus on my weaknesses, even if others do. I am strong because God is within me! And you! I am ashamed to say that I completely forget that at times. I forget that God doesn’t pick or choose when He gives us strength. Nope. If we aren’t feeling His strength, it’s because we CHOOSE not to accept it. He gives it freely, all day every day! Did you hear that? God never leaves us. We leave Him. I’m ashamed to say that at times when things are most overwhelming, I try to rely on my own humanness instead of reaching for my Lord. Why do we do that? Why do we not scream out to God? There is no reason for any us to ever feel week or hopeless. And yet, don’t we all feel that way from time to time? Don’t we all feel inadequate and unsure of ourselves in certain situations? If you are like me, then the answer is yes.

Jeremiah 17:7 (NIV) says, “But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him.” I think that is the essence of my problem. I don’t always have the confidence I am supposed to have in God. I fear that He will forget about me so I have to do it myself. But He doesn’t work like that. He will be there as long as I seek Him. I have to learn to stop depending on my “flesh” as Hezekiah said, and rely completely on Him. My confidence in God is stronger then it was but not where it should be yet. What I can attest to is that for all the times I have completely submitted to God, I have experienced a source of strength and perseverance that I never could have experienced relying on my own flesh.

As you apply this to your life, ask yourself this question: How would your life be changed if you believed that God’s strength was living in you everyday, all day?

Lord, please forgive me for relying on my own flesh and humanness instead of solely on You. You have guaranteed your strength and grace through the spilled blood of Jesus Christ. Thank you for never leaving me even when I leave you. Convict my heart to never leave you again. Amen.